Being Dad
Biblical Principles to Become the Dad Your Children Need
“Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.”
Proverbs 17:6
Introduction
There are certain Sundays throughout the year when church attendance tends to be lower than usual. Father's Day is often near the top of that list.
But Father's Day should be more than another Sunday on the calendar.
It should be an opportunity to celebrate fathers and to consider what being a Dad really means.
Fatherhood is a tremendous privilege, but it is also a tremendous responsibility. There are countless things a father can teach, provide, and model for his children. Scripture gives us a powerful picture of the kind of influence a father can have.
Being Dad means teaching.
Providing.
Correcting.
Showing up.
Showing compassion.
Living in obedience to God.
Being careful not to provoke.
Never giving up.
And always praying.
No father does these things perfectly. But we have been given the perfect model to follow.
Our Heavenly Father.
1. Be Your Child's First TEACHER
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
Think about all the lessons dads have the opportunity to teach their children.
First steps. Potty training. Throwing a ball. Manners. Respect. How to talk on the phone. How to be a friend.
Fathers teach constantly, often without even realizing it.
Some lessons are intentional. Others are simply learned by watching.
But the most important lesson we can teach is who Jesus is.
Joshua said:
“But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua 24:15
Fathers have a unique responsibility to help set the spiritual tone in their homes. That is both a privilege and a responsibility, and it should never be taken lightly.
Children notice what is important to Dad.
They notice whether faith is something he talks about or something he lives.
They notice whether he prays.
They notice how he responds when life becomes difficult.
They notice how he treats people.
They are always learning.
A father can teach his children how to throw a ball, drive a car, manage money, and work hard. All of those things matter.
But the greatest lesson is still Jesus.
Because every other lesson has a limited reach.
A relationship with Christ influences how we live, how we love, how we forgive, how we face difficulty, and how we understand eternity.
The question is not whether our children are learning from us.
The question is:
What are they learning?
Dads need to be their children's first teacher in a lot of things.
And faith should be at the top of that list.
2. PROVIDE for Your Family
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
1 Timothy 5:8
When men read this verse, their minds often move immediately to finances.
I have to provide enough money for our home, cars, vacations, college for the kids, and all the other stuff.
Certainly, financial provision is part of our responsibility.
But providing means much more than finances.
A father should also contribute to the emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being of his family.
There is another kind of currency a father needs to provide.
The currency of a protector.
A father protects his family from things that would do them harm. Sometimes that means physical protection. Other times it means helping protect them from the emotional damage caused by poor relationships and bad decisions.
Children also need encouragement.
They need positive messages.
They need to know they are valued.
They need to know someone believes in them.
A father cannot provide everything his children want.
But he can provide things money cannot buy.
Wisdom.
Encouragement.
Protection.
Guidance.
Security.
Faith.
Sometimes the greatest thing a father can provide is himself.
His strength.
His wisdom.
His encouragement.
His protection.
And the security of knowing that someone is there who deeply cares about their well-being.
3. CORRECT Where Necessary
“Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.”
Proverbs 13:24
There are many effective techniques when it comes to discipline, and certainly some poor ones.
But that is not the main point.
The point is that taking corrective action with your child teaches important things.
Discipline teaches self-discipline.
It teaches responsibility and consequences.
It helps develop social skills and healthy relationships.
All of these things can help a child become a better person, a better family member, a better friend, and a better Christian.
Correction is not the opposite of love.
Healthy correction is an expression of love.
Children need boundaries. They need to understand that actions have consequences. They need someone who cares enough to tell them when they are moving in the wrong direction.
The goal is not simply to punish.
The goal is to teach.
Correction should help a child understand what went wrong and how to move forward.
A child needs to know:
I can be corrected without being rejected.
That is an important lesson.
God corrects us because He loves us. His correction is not evidence that He has abandoned us.
In the same way, a father's correction should never communicate that love has been removed.
It should communicate:
I love you too much not to help you learn.
The goal is not to control a child.
The goal is to help shape a life.
4. Spend TIME Being Present
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
Deuteronomy 6:6–9
In my own experience as a parent, I have found that the most impactful thing I can do is to simply show up.
I don't have to be the coolest parent with the nicest car.
I just have to show up consistently.
There is something incredibly powerful about presence.
Showing up helps our kids feel safe.
It instills in them a sense of self-worth.
It tells them:
You matter to me.
Our children may not remember every gift we gave them. They may not remember every vacation or every possession.
But they remember who was there.
They remember who showed up.
Life is busy. There will always be responsibilities competing for our time. But children grow quickly, and the opportunities we have with them are limited.
Being present does not mean we have to create something extraordinary every day.
Often, it simply means being there.
Being available.
Listening.
Showing interest.
More importantly, when we show up consistently, we earn the right to speak into their lives about deeper matters.
Including Jesus.
Faith is often taught in ordinary moments.
At home.
In the car.
Around the table.
During difficult conversations.
Presence creates opportunities that cannot be manufactured any other way.
Sometimes the most impactful thing a father can do is simply show up.
5. Show COMPASSION
“The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.”
Psalm 103:13
Compassion allows us to connect with our children on a deeper emotional level. More importantly, it allows us to help reduce their suffering.
As a child, when I was sick, had a bad day, or had my heart broken, I went to my parents.
I did that because I trusted them.
They always showed up for me, and I knew they cared.
Every child needs someone they can run to.
Someone who listens.
Someone who cares.
Someone who does not dismiss their pain simply because it may seem small from an adult perspective.
Compassion does not mean we can remove every hardship from our children's lives.
Sometimes hardship is part of growing.
But compassion means they do not have to walk through difficult moments alone.
A compassionate father creates a relationship where his children know they can come to him.
When life hurts.
When they are afraid.
When they have failed.
When their heart has been broken.
Psalm 103 gives us a beautiful picture of God as a Father who is tender and compassionate toward His children.
Fathers have the opportunity to reflect that same kind of love.
Our children need to know:
When life hurts, I can go to Dad.
6. Live in OBEDIENCE to God
“You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone.”
2 Corinthians 3:2
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”
James 1:22
Our children model who we are.
They watch how we react emotionally.
They watch what we value.
They watch how we treat people.
They watch what happens when we are frustrated.
They watch how we handle disappointment.
Children notice whether our words and actions agree.
We can tell them honesty matters, but they are watching to see if we are honest.
We can tell them to trust God, but they are watching to see what we do when life becomes difficult.
We can tell them to treat people with kindness, but they are watching the way we treat others.
Our example matters.
This does not mean fathers have to be perfect.
None of us are.
In fact, one of the greatest lessons we can teach is what to do when we fail.
We take responsibility.
We apologize.
We ask forgiveness.
We turn back to God.
Children do not need to see perfect fathers.
They need to see fathers who genuinely pursue God.
A father who understands that obedience is not simply about knowing what the Bible says.
It is about doing what it says.
Our children are reading our lives every day.
That makes obedience to God one of the greatest lessons we can teach.
7. Don't PROVOKE Your Children
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4
There are many different ways we can provoke our children.
Neglect can provoke them.
Saying one thing and doing another can provoke them.
Verbal or physical abuse can provoke them.
Constantly finding fault can provoke them.
Demanding too much can provoke them.
Fathers have tremendous influence, and with that influence comes responsibility.
Children need correction, but they also need encouragement.
They need boundaries, but they also need grace.
They need to know when they are wrong, but they also need to know that being wrong does not make them unwanted.
Each child is different.
We cannot expect exactly the same things from every one of them.
We should praise them where appropriate.
And we should be honest with compassion.
The goal is not to break their spirit.
The goal is to help build their character.
Our words can build or destroy.
Our expectations can motivate or overwhelm.
Our correction can guide or provoke.
Being Dad means handling the influence we have with care.
8. Never GIVE UP on Your Kids
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”
Luke 15:20
The story of the Prodigal Son teaches an incredibly difficult lesson.
Don't give up.
There may come a time when you have exhausted every physical resource you can imagine.
You have made every contact.
Given every piece of advice.
Paid every penny you could to help your child.
You may feel like you have nothing left to physically give.
But you never need to give up spiritually on your child.
There is always one more prayer to pray on their behalf.
The father in the story of the Prodigal Son never stopped looking.
And when the son finally turned toward home, the father was ready.
He saw him.
He ran to him.
He embraced him.
He welcomed him.
There should always be a pathway of reconciliation, no matter how bad things have gotten.
That does not mean there are never consequences.
It means love does not close the door forever.
There are moments in parenting when loving your child means holding on to hope when everything else seems hopeless.
You may reach the limits of your own strength.
But God never reaches the limits of His.
You may not know how to reach them.
But God knows exactly where they are.
You may not be able to change their heart.
But God can work where you cannot.
Never give up.
9. PRAY for Your Children
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Philippians 4:6
Pray for their character.
Pray for their spouse.
Pray for their careers.
Pray for their walk with Christ.
Pray for their finances.
Pray for their decision-making.
Pray for their friends.
Pray for their future.
Pray for their children.
Pray for their parenting skills.
Pray for the assurance of their salvation.
Prayer is one of the greatest things a parent can do because there will always be things beyond our control.
We cannot walk every road for our children.
We cannot make every decision for them.
We cannot protect them from every disappointment.
But we can pray.
We can take their names before the Father.
We can ask God to guide them when we cannot.
To protect them when we are not there.
To speak to their hearts in ways that we cannot.
To draw them closer to Him.
A father's role changes as children grow older, but prayer never stops being important.
When they are young, pray.
When they become teenagers, pray.
When they leave home, pray.
When they become adults, pray.
When they are doing well, pray.
When they are struggling, pray.
There is always one more prayer to pray.
The Perfect Model
To some of us, this list can seem overwhelming.
There may be no way we can be this type of dad—or even this type of parent.
And the truth is, on our own, we will fall short.
But we have the perfect model to follow.
God hits the mark on every single one of these points.
He teaches us.
He provides for us.
He corrects us.
He is always available to us.
He shows compassion to us.
He is perfect.
He never provokes us.
And He has never given up on us.
Everything we hope to become as fathers finds its perfect expression in God.
He is the ultimate example.
When we need wisdom, we can look to Him.
When we need patience, we can look to Him.
When we need to know how to love, correct, provide, or forgive, we can look to Him.
The goal of being a Dad is not perfection.
The goal is faithfulness.
Final Thought
Being Dad is about much more than a title.
It is about showing up.
Teaching.
Providing.
Correcting.
Protecting.
Showing compassion.
Living what you believe.
Refusing to give up.
And praying when there is nothing else you can do.
No father gets all of this right all the time.
Every dad has moments he wishes he could do over.
Every parent has said something they wish they could take back or missed an opportunity they wish they had recognized.
But being a good father was never about being perfect.
It is about being faithful.
Our children do not need fathers who pretend to have all the answers.
They need fathers who are willing to keep showing up, keep learning, keep loving, and keep following God.
The greatest example of fatherhood we will ever see is found in our Heavenly Father.
He teaches us.
Provides for us.
Corrects us.
Shows compassion toward us.
Never abandons us.
And never gives up on us.
Perhaps the greatest thing any father can do is simply point his children toward that kind of love.
Because long after the lessons have been taught and the years have passed, the legacy of a father is not simply found in what he leaves behind.
It is found in what he leaves within the people he loves.
Biblical Principles to Become the Dad Your Children Need
“Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.”
Proverbs 17:6
Introduction
There are certain Sundays throughout the year when church attendance tends to be lower than usual. Father's Day is often near the top of that list.
But Father's Day should be more than another Sunday on the calendar.
It should be an opportunity to celebrate fathers and to consider what being a Dad really means.
Fatherhood is a tremendous privilege, but it is also a tremendous responsibility. There are countless things a father can teach, provide, and model for his children. Scripture gives us a powerful picture of the kind of influence a father can have.
Being Dad means teaching.
Providing.
Correcting.
Showing up.
Showing compassion.
Living in obedience to God.
Being careful not to provoke.
Never giving up.
And always praying.
No father does these things perfectly. But we have been given the perfect model to follow.
Our Heavenly Father.
1. Be Your Child's First TEACHER
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
Think about all the lessons dads have the opportunity to teach their children.
First steps. Potty training. Throwing a ball. Manners. Respect. How to talk on the phone. How to be a friend.
Fathers teach constantly, often without even realizing it.
Some lessons are intentional. Others are simply learned by watching.
But the most important lesson we can teach is who Jesus is.
Joshua said:
“But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua 24:15
Fathers have a unique responsibility to help set the spiritual tone in their homes. That is both a privilege and a responsibility, and it should never be taken lightly.
Children notice what is important to Dad.
They notice whether faith is something he talks about or something he lives.
They notice whether he prays.
They notice how he responds when life becomes difficult.
They notice how he treats people.
They are always learning.
A father can teach his children how to throw a ball, drive a car, manage money, and work hard. All of those things matter.
But the greatest lesson is still Jesus.
Because every other lesson has a limited reach.
A relationship with Christ influences how we live, how we love, how we forgive, how we face difficulty, and how we understand eternity.
The question is not whether our children are learning from us.
The question is:
What are they learning?
Dads need to be their children's first teacher in a lot of things.
And faith should be at the top of that list.
2. PROVIDE for Your Family
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
1 Timothy 5:8
When men read this verse, their minds often move immediately to finances.
I have to provide enough money for our home, cars, vacations, college for the kids, and all the other stuff.
Certainly, financial provision is part of our responsibility.
But providing means much more than finances.
A father should also contribute to the emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being of his family.
There is another kind of currency a father needs to provide.
The currency of a protector.
A father protects his family from things that would do them harm. Sometimes that means physical protection. Other times it means helping protect them from the emotional damage caused by poor relationships and bad decisions.
Children also need encouragement.
They need positive messages.
They need to know they are valued.
They need to know someone believes in them.
A father cannot provide everything his children want.
But he can provide things money cannot buy.
Wisdom.
Encouragement.
Protection.
Guidance.
Security.
Faith.
Sometimes the greatest thing a father can provide is himself.
His strength.
His wisdom.
His encouragement.
His protection.
And the security of knowing that someone is there who deeply cares about their well-being.
3. CORRECT Where Necessary
“Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.”
Proverbs 13:24
There are many effective techniques when it comes to discipline, and certainly some poor ones.
But that is not the main point.
The point is that taking corrective action with your child teaches important things.
Discipline teaches self-discipline.
It teaches responsibility and consequences.
It helps develop social skills and healthy relationships.
All of these things can help a child become a better person, a better family member, a better friend, and a better Christian.
Correction is not the opposite of love.
Healthy correction is an expression of love.
Children need boundaries. They need to understand that actions have consequences. They need someone who cares enough to tell them when they are moving in the wrong direction.
The goal is not simply to punish.
The goal is to teach.
Correction should help a child understand what went wrong and how to move forward.
A child needs to know:
I can be corrected without being rejected.
That is an important lesson.
God corrects us because He loves us. His correction is not evidence that He has abandoned us.
In the same way, a father's correction should never communicate that love has been removed.
It should communicate:
I love you too much not to help you learn.
The goal is not to control a child.
The goal is to help shape a life.
4. Spend TIME Being Present
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
Deuteronomy 6:6–9
In my own experience as a parent, I have found that the most impactful thing I can do is to simply show up.
I don't have to be the coolest parent with the nicest car.
I just have to show up consistently.
There is something incredibly powerful about presence.
Showing up helps our kids feel safe.
It instills in them a sense of self-worth.
It tells them:
You matter to me.
Our children may not remember every gift we gave them. They may not remember every vacation or every possession.
But they remember who was there.
They remember who showed up.
Life is busy. There will always be responsibilities competing for our time. But children grow quickly, and the opportunities we have with them are limited.
Being present does not mean we have to create something extraordinary every day.
Often, it simply means being there.
Being available.
Listening.
Showing interest.
More importantly, when we show up consistently, we earn the right to speak into their lives about deeper matters.
Including Jesus.
Faith is often taught in ordinary moments.
At home.
In the car.
Around the table.
During difficult conversations.
Presence creates opportunities that cannot be manufactured any other way.
Sometimes the most impactful thing a father can do is simply show up.
5. Show COMPASSION
“The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.”
Psalm 103:13
Compassion allows us to connect with our children on a deeper emotional level. More importantly, it allows us to help reduce their suffering.
As a child, when I was sick, had a bad day, or had my heart broken, I went to my parents.
I did that because I trusted them.
They always showed up for me, and I knew they cared.
Every child needs someone they can run to.
Someone who listens.
Someone who cares.
Someone who does not dismiss their pain simply because it may seem small from an adult perspective.
Compassion does not mean we can remove every hardship from our children's lives.
Sometimes hardship is part of growing.
But compassion means they do not have to walk through difficult moments alone.
A compassionate father creates a relationship where his children know they can come to him.
When life hurts.
When they are afraid.
When they have failed.
When their heart has been broken.
Psalm 103 gives us a beautiful picture of God as a Father who is tender and compassionate toward His children.
Fathers have the opportunity to reflect that same kind of love.
Our children need to know:
When life hurts, I can go to Dad.
6. Live in OBEDIENCE to God
“You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone.”
2 Corinthians 3:2
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”
James 1:22
Our children model who we are.
They watch how we react emotionally.
They watch what we value.
They watch how we treat people.
They watch what happens when we are frustrated.
They watch how we handle disappointment.
Children notice whether our words and actions agree.
We can tell them honesty matters, but they are watching to see if we are honest.
We can tell them to trust God, but they are watching to see what we do when life becomes difficult.
We can tell them to treat people with kindness, but they are watching the way we treat others.
Our example matters.
This does not mean fathers have to be perfect.
None of us are.
In fact, one of the greatest lessons we can teach is what to do when we fail.
We take responsibility.
We apologize.
We ask forgiveness.
We turn back to God.
Children do not need to see perfect fathers.
They need to see fathers who genuinely pursue God.
A father who understands that obedience is not simply about knowing what the Bible says.
It is about doing what it says.
Our children are reading our lives every day.
That makes obedience to God one of the greatest lessons we can teach.
7. Don't PROVOKE Your Children
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4
There are many different ways we can provoke our children.
Neglect can provoke them.
Saying one thing and doing another can provoke them.
Verbal or physical abuse can provoke them.
Constantly finding fault can provoke them.
Demanding too much can provoke them.
Fathers have tremendous influence, and with that influence comes responsibility.
Children need correction, but they also need encouragement.
They need boundaries, but they also need grace.
They need to know when they are wrong, but they also need to know that being wrong does not make them unwanted.
Each child is different.
We cannot expect exactly the same things from every one of them.
We should praise them where appropriate.
And we should be honest with compassion.
The goal is not to break their spirit.
The goal is to help build their character.
Our words can build or destroy.
Our expectations can motivate or overwhelm.
Our correction can guide or provoke.
Being Dad means handling the influence we have with care.
8. Never GIVE UP on Your Kids
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”
Luke 15:20
The story of the Prodigal Son teaches an incredibly difficult lesson.
Don't give up.
There may come a time when you have exhausted every physical resource you can imagine.
You have made every contact.
Given every piece of advice.
Paid every penny you could to help your child.
You may feel like you have nothing left to physically give.
But you never need to give up spiritually on your child.
There is always one more prayer to pray on their behalf.
The father in the story of the Prodigal Son never stopped looking.
And when the son finally turned toward home, the father was ready.
He saw him.
He ran to him.
He embraced him.
He welcomed him.
There should always be a pathway of reconciliation, no matter how bad things have gotten.
That does not mean there are never consequences.
It means love does not close the door forever.
There are moments in parenting when loving your child means holding on to hope when everything else seems hopeless.
You may reach the limits of your own strength.
But God never reaches the limits of His.
You may not know how to reach them.
But God knows exactly where they are.
You may not be able to change their heart.
But God can work where you cannot.
Never give up.
9. PRAY for Your Children
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Philippians 4:6
Pray for their character.
Pray for their spouse.
Pray for their careers.
Pray for their walk with Christ.
Pray for their finances.
Pray for their decision-making.
Pray for their friends.
Pray for their future.
Pray for their children.
Pray for their parenting skills.
Pray for the assurance of their salvation.
Prayer is one of the greatest things a parent can do because there will always be things beyond our control.
We cannot walk every road for our children.
We cannot make every decision for them.
We cannot protect them from every disappointment.
But we can pray.
We can take their names before the Father.
We can ask God to guide them when we cannot.
To protect them when we are not there.
To speak to their hearts in ways that we cannot.
To draw them closer to Him.
A father's role changes as children grow older, but prayer never stops being important.
When they are young, pray.
When they become teenagers, pray.
When they leave home, pray.
When they become adults, pray.
When they are doing well, pray.
When they are struggling, pray.
There is always one more prayer to pray.
The Perfect Model
To some of us, this list can seem overwhelming.
There may be no way we can be this type of dad—or even this type of parent.
And the truth is, on our own, we will fall short.
But we have the perfect model to follow.
God hits the mark on every single one of these points.
He teaches us.
He provides for us.
He corrects us.
He is always available to us.
He shows compassion to us.
He is perfect.
He never provokes us.
And He has never given up on us.
Everything we hope to become as fathers finds its perfect expression in God.
He is the ultimate example.
When we need wisdom, we can look to Him.
When we need patience, we can look to Him.
When we need to know how to love, correct, provide, or forgive, we can look to Him.
The goal of being a Dad is not perfection.
The goal is faithfulness.
Final Thought
Being Dad is about much more than a title.
It is about showing up.
Teaching.
Providing.
Correcting.
Protecting.
Showing compassion.
Living what you believe.
Refusing to give up.
And praying when there is nothing else you can do.
No father gets all of this right all the time.
Every dad has moments he wishes he could do over.
Every parent has said something they wish they could take back or missed an opportunity they wish they had recognized.
But being a good father was never about being perfect.
It is about being faithful.
Our children do not need fathers who pretend to have all the answers.
They need fathers who are willing to keep showing up, keep learning, keep loving, and keep following God.
The greatest example of fatherhood we will ever see is found in our Heavenly Father.
He teaches us.
Provides for us.
Corrects us.
Shows compassion toward us.
Never abandons us.
And never gives up on us.
Perhaps the greatest thing any father can do is simply point his children toward that kind of love.
Because long after the lessons have been taught and the years have passed, the legacy of a father is not simply found in what he leaves behind.
It is found in what he leaves within the people he loves.